There are no gnomes in Sweden

by King Luan

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released 03 October 2013

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Track Name: There are no gnomes in Sweden
There are no gnomes in Sweden
No reports that anybody down there has ever seen them
There are no gnomes in Sweden
No reports that anybody down there has ever seen them

No little hats, no jolly beards, or rotted teeth
and not one child has ever been reported being eaten
Not one child

Just like there are no Fins there in Finland
Now while at first that may sound grand,
it's just because they've all been eaten by the hungry gnomes who aren't
aren't in Sweden

There are no gnomes in Sweden
No reports that anybody down there has ever seen them
(They've never seen them)
There are no gnomes in Sweden
No reports that anybody down there has ever seen them
(They've never seen them)

Now Viking is as Viking does and Vikings can't be beaten
And as that is, it's most unwise to try to eat Norwegians
But hungry gnomes they come and go, a belly-full they're feeding
Pockets lined with Swedish gold, they nash their broken teeth and scold
They lick their bloody lips and cry "we'll eat you up until you die"

There are no gnomes in Sweden
No reports that anybody down there has ever seen them
(They've never seen them)
There are no gnomes in Sweden
No reports that anybody down there has ever seen them
(They've never seen them)

No little hats... no jolly beards...

So if you're Swedish, rest assured, your bureaucrats have bought them all
And logic tells us now that you certainly can't be Finnish
So 'fore I finnish this tale of woe,
if you're a Viking, maybe you'll take a liking to us
and leave us alone now
for we are the people laying low
the not so tasty Danish
if the truth be told.
(the not so tasty Danish, the not so tasty Danish
if the truth be told)

There are no gnomes in Sweden
No reports that anybody down there has ever seen them
There are no gnomes in Sweden
No reports that anybody down there has ever seen them

No little hats... no jolly beards...
Track Name: No vampires remain in Romania
I am not your Dracula spectacular
This is not your weekend in Vegas
This is not your selfie obscura
I am not your tour guide of Paris

No vampires remain in Romania
No vampires remain in Romania
Don’t walk alone in Transylvania
No vampires remain in Romania

This is not West Hollywood on Thursday
I am not your objet d’art
I am not your sepia heyday
This is not the moment we part

No vampires remain in Romania
No vampires remain in Romania
Don’t donate blood in Transylvania
No vampires remain in Romania

I am not your pop starlet saviour
This is not your reference du jour
This is not your sanctioned behaviour
I am not the disease or the cure

No vampires remain in Romania
No vampires remain in Romania
Don't sing this song in Transylvania
No vampires remain in Romania